Is anything possible? Part 2

Possibilities...  

I've never been any good at setting goals. I've always just kind of taken life as it comes to me. Opportunities present themselves, I mull it over for a little while, usually talk it through with a friend or some one who's opinion I value, and then I'm carried forward.

Take my decision to go back to school, for example. It was really a coincidence of sorts; although I don't really believe in coincidences. I'd heard about this school on the radio where working adults could go and earn their degree and it wouldn't interfere with work and such. I knew that I didn't want to stay in the position I was in forever and I saw that as a chance to move up the corporate ladder. I made decisions at that time that I still questions. I have no regrets; mind you. But I s do still think back and wonder if I couldn't have done things a little differently. I took out student loans in HUGE dollar amounts. I anticipate paying them back for the rest of my life. That's a weight I'd rather not be carrying.

But overall, the decision to go back to college was a good one. I earned my degree and that has brought me better employment and more money. Although that money is spent paying back the student loans, I'm still proud of my accomplishment.

Anyway, during that decision making process, I didn't think of it as setting a goal at all. In fact, I rather felt like I was just doing something on a whim and went into it with a less than serious state of mind. I was shrugging about all the way. "Heh....whatever" was my attitude. I was not focused. I was not serious. I was just skating along the ice of life; not a care in the world about the future or whether the ice would be thick enough to hold my weight. . I think I mostly felt like it was something that I ‘should' be doing. For the most part, and certainly in retrospect, I felt like I was doing what was expected of me.

So, for me goal-setting is unfamiliar. At least it seems that way. When I chose to head back to school, everything just fell into place and it was EASY. I really didn't have to put much effort into it, so it doesn't seem like it was ever a goal I set. It just happened, and I was there. Once again, I was along for the ride like a leaf in the stream. And I gotta tell ya' my whole life has been that way.

So is this the Law of Attraction? Is it that simple? I just pick something....make a few decisions in relationship to it......and then it just starts falling into place without a lot of thought or focus on my part. Could it really be that freakin easy? But I don't think I know how to set a goal. I think the universe will put opportunities in my path and lately, I'm not seeing all that many that relate at all to anything that I consciously think I want to do. Or maybe I'm just so shackled in fear of change that I don't see these opportunities? Or is it perhaps a case of seeing them, but letting fear keep me from once again becoming the leaf in the stream and following the river?

And these days, I'm considering going back to school. Ug. The thought of incurring more student loan debt is at the top of the list of reasons not to. I have a dream to one day work in a vineyard and run a summer camp at that vineyard for "wayward" kids. I don't really know a lot about growing grapes or working with struggling kids. But I just love this idea of bringing kids in to teach them about nurturing life from the dirt, making something of value from so little. I grew up in a farming community and this knowledge is solidified in the foundation of all that is me. It's as much a part of my being as my skin or my breath. And, I think it saved me from detriment more than once.

The steps to achieving this dream are intimidating to say the least. It's simply so overwhelming that I have a hard time conceptualizing; never-mind getting to the stepping-in place; that place of beginning to follow the dream. It's damn scary, in fact.

And then I wonder why can't I just make the best of the life I'm in now? Why must I always be seeking something new? Can't I just be content to be "here" and to be present in the "now?" What am I running away from when I cook up these schemes and have these dreams? Do I fear satisfaction? Do I thrive in ever-seeking something different? Am I trapped in a ‘Grass is Always Greener' state of mind?

I don't know. Seems I don't have any answers; only questions. On that note; some one told me once that if I don't know what I want to manifest, then I should just ask questions and the answers will manifest. If that's the case, there will be a lot of answers coming my way soon.